Salvation Army Shangri La

Genesis

So I just embarked on a new Scripture reading plan, and with that has come some opportunities to reflect on what I have read. Reading Genesis, I am simply filled with the sense that before me is ancient wisdom--- words from long ago, describing a world of long ago, and the wisdom trickles down as we listen with the ear of our heart today.
Upon first glance, there are those experiences of: "Aha, I forgot about that!" as well as incidents where I wonder: "What is really going on?" as the text seems to make quick transitions to my contemporary perspective. These things have been duly noted, but probably what strikes me the most right now is the simple powerful message of God coming down to earth to speak to people. We don't always get the sense that these people are amazing. However, in the case of Noah, he seems to stand in opposition to the violent society around him. These people are striving to cultivate a righteousness... or they are walking with God. To Walk with God...

Kayaking Epiphany

Today, as I was kayaking, I was more tired and even felt a little sick. This was not expected. I apologized to Alison for being a wimp and told her that I would paddle over to the nearby beach. Alison said: "You are not wimpy; you're just doing what God is telling you to do... Going to take some time to listen to God's desire." This reminded me of our Ignatian days, and I was very happy.

As I lay on the beach, my mind was so full... I remembered how Henri Nouwen wrote about taking time to listen to God's voice of love in our lives. This set me thinking on another topic: unconditional love.

As I lay on the beach with all my seasickness and vulnerability, I was listening to all the voices and people in my life that seem to be saying: "You are not good enough. Not good enough for me. You are not making the right decisions. You are not doing enough." As I stopped to observe the voices, something deep inside of me cried. I was sad. I recognized so fully why I was so tired. I recognized why we are encouraged to listen to God's voice of love in our lives. God's love is unconditional. We are told to get up and challenged to listen and be better, and yet there is also and always grace.

Grace has transformed my life, and as my relationships embody grace, I will continue to grow. None of us are perfect, and we struggle in our conditions and self-philosophies. But today on the beach, listening to the voice of God's love, I had the epiphany that I am meant to bolster this voice of grace on the earth. I believe that God has gifted us with different callings. I am, with all my weakness, intelligence, vulnerability, loveliness and myopia, meant to be a minister of grace in this world.

What makes a Desirable Life?

A process reflection for the 4th of July entitled "love to all"

Today, I ask: What makes a desirable life? Is it the life of the movies or the life of cultural conditioning-- earning all the laurels and money to make one comfortable?


I am a consequence of my education, and that education taught me that there is something of lasting value in standing with the poor-- To live a life of grace and laughter versus Sisyphusian Achievement.

Poverty has many faces... it is found on every continent: Some of its names are resentment, oppression, hatred, fear, talk that spurs division rather than community, etc.

As Mark Twain has written, however, "Courage is not the absence of fear. It is simply resistance to it."

I am a consequence of my faith. And Christ stood with people, stood beside people, and risked all for people. How to live in honor of that?

What makes a life desirable? Perhaps being close with those one loves. Being able to share freely of one's heart and mind and soul. And more so, risking, giving, sharing, caring for all: Faith. Grace. Peace. Love. What makes a desirable life? LOVE. love to all.

Gratitude

This day, I am grateful for:

familiar faces
time alone with my thoughts and notebook
deep-pointed questions
intentional sharing
the sun and breeze
the future
the past
the youth at my church

A little thought of the day.

Are Things What They Seem?

Perception.
Perceptive.

I have seen that some things seem true up close and others not so.... I have seen riddles solved at a distance or debacle at heights. The navigation requires time, the willingness to see, and the courage to make mistakes.

Perception.
Perspective.

Pokerface No!!!!!!

A Father's Day Poem

How Do We Forgive Our Fathers?

Dick Lourie*

How do we forgive our Fathers?
Maybe in a dream
Do we forgive our Fathers for leaving us too often or forever
when we were little?

Maybe for scaring us with unexpected rage
or making us nervous
because there never seemed to be any rage there at all.

Do we forgive our Fathers for marrying or not marrying our Mothers?
For Divorcing or not divorcing our Mothers?

And shall we forgive them for their excesses of warmth or coldness?
Shall we forgive them for pushing or leaning
for shutting doors
for speaking through walls
or never speaking
or never being silent?

Do we forgive our Fathers in our age or in theirs
or their deaths
saying it to them or not saying it?

If we forgive our Fathers what is left?

Forgiveness

FORGIVENESS

To forgive somebody is to say one way or another, "You have done something unspeakable, and by all rights I should call it quits between us. Both my pride and my principles demand no less. However, although I make no guarantees that I will be able to forget what you've done, and though we may both carry the scars for life, I refuse to let it stand between us. I still want you for my friend."
To accept forgiveness means to admit that you've done something unspeakable that needs to be forgiven, and thus both parties must swallow the same thing: their pride.
This seems to explain what Jesus means when he says to God, "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us." Jesus is not saying that God's forgiveness is conditional upon our forgiving others. In the first place, forgiveness that's conditional isn't really forgiveness at all, just fair warning; and in the second place, our forgiveness is among those things about us that we need to have God forgive us most. What Jesus apparently is saying is that the pride that keeps us from forgiving is the same pride that keeps us from accepting forgiveness, and will God please help us do something about it.
When somebody you've wronged forgives you, you're spared the dull and self-diminishing throb of a guilty conscience.
When you forgive somebody who has wronged you, you're spared the dismal corrosion of bitterness and wounded pride.
For both parties, forgiveness means the freedom again to be at peace inside their own skins and to be glad in each other's presence."

Frederick Buechner

Kindness Poem

Kindness

Before you know what kindness really is
you must lose things,
feel the future dissolve in a moment
like salt in a weakened broth.
What you held in your hand,
what you counted and carefully saved,
all this must go so you know
how desolate the landscape can be
between the regions of kindness.
How you ride and ride
thinking the bus will never stop,
the passengers eating maize and chicken
will stare out the window forever.

Before you learn the tender gravity of kindness,
you must travel where the Indian in a white poncho
lies dead by the side of the road.
You must see how this could be you,
how he too was someone
who journeyed through the night with plans
and the simple breath that kept him alive.

Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside,
you must know sorrow as the other deepest thing.
You must wake up with sorrow.
You must speak to it till your voice
catches the thread of all sorrows
and you see the size of the cloth.

Then it is only kindness that makes sense anymore,
only kindness that ties your shoes
and sends you out into the day to mail letters and purchase bread,
only kindness that raises its head
from the crowd of the world to say
it is I you have been looking for,
and then goes with you every where
like a shadow or a friend.

~ Naomi Shihab Nye ~

(Words From Under the Words: Selected Poems)

Something to Think About

"Jesus said that he is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. Yet many in the Presbyterian Church persist on beginning with abstract notions of 'truth,' an approach long favored by Western Christendom. The Right insists on "Old Truth," linking a desire for certitude with tradition. The Left favors 'New Truth,' advocating for progress and freedom from constraints. But the Way mattered to Jesus. He would not take any shortcuts to the cross, or use any violence along the way, physical or emotional. For Jesus, the way of suffering, humility, passion, joy, and self-emptying were the ways that led to deeper truth, neither indulging the fetish of traditionalism nor the fetish of novelty, as was the case for the religious authorities of his day. Only equal faithfulness to the Way and the Truth leads to the fullness of Life [in Christ]. We cannot have two masters: Jesus and Machiavelli." Jin S Kim

Processing

Blogs. They are interesting. I haven't decided if they are the best form of processing... However, as I find myself enjoying the reality that I am a "processor," I suppose that this may be just a way to explore my thoughts.

Friends, this is the first thought. Somehow, I want life to slow down. It is going too fast, and I have been along aside it all the time, rushing it along by completing the lists of to-do's that follow my footsteps. This is good. This has been great. But as I just experienced the whirlwind of much travel-- setting foot in Chicago, good ole Weston Priory in Vermont, Upstate New York, North Carolina, and South Carolina-- I revisited so many important parts of myself... and now I feel like I am buzzing (mentally that is) trying to integrate all the pieces.

One of the most difficult challenges I am feeling is my sense that I somehow do not belong in my own culture, and yet I want to-- and I don't know what I would do if I were not in it. Strange. This is a strange feeling. But, perhaps this is just the reflection of a 27 year-old turned 87 year-old, but I am nostalgic-- Am I nostalgic for something that never existed? But today... somehow... so much of my culture seems to revolve around $$$$$ and busyness and convenience... and although I am afraid to give it up, I don't understand where the days of playing on playgrounds, dinner with the family, and all of this has gone. Is this adulthood? I hope not.

A brief review on "New Friars: The Emerging Movement Serving the World's Poor" by Scott Bessenecker

I've been fascinated by this book so far.

First, the ID with the previous groups, like the Benedictines & Franciscans, who similarly took vows and focused their ministries on being with and working for the poor.

As I am reading about individuals who go to slum sites and do ministry there, I am often thinking of a young guy from my college named Nick. He was a senior when I was a freshman, so I didn't know him that well. But I remember that he had a passion for this kind of thing. He had lived in a slum community in Nicaragua and, from his vision, a college group formed that raised money for the people there. I remember how he wanted to go to other slum communities and live with the people there.... I had no clue that others were doing this kind of thing...

Reading about the connection between alcohol, despair, and economic injustice also resonated with me. I recall the dilemma of many in Native American reservations today as well as in other countries and cultures where there are no limits on who consumes alcohol and, with the hardships of life, its abuse is rampant. It makes me constantly have to reconsider my own connection with alcohol.

And this statistic is STAGGERING: "The latest global unemployment trends indicate that 'of the 2.8 billion workers in the world, nearly half still do not earn enough to lift themselves and their families above the US $2 a day poverty line." -------------

"We need more fools, holy fools who insist that the folly of the cross is wiser than any human power." Shane Claiborne, The Irresistible Revolution, pg. 343

1 Corinthians 3:18-19a: "Do not deceive yourselves. If any one of you thinks they are wise by the standards of this age, they should become a "fool" so that they may become wise. For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God's sight."

Little Rule of Life

1) Read Scripture each day
2) Give generously
3) Pray continually
4) Read widely
5) Run at least a mile a day
6) Eat apples, salads, & oatmeal
7) Love.
8) Practice Truth-telling
9) Practice Art.
10) Laugh & Rest

An Update

Well, first off, I apologize that I am just writing. I know that this update has been too long in the making. But I am back in the process of twisting words into meaning. What has the last month been like? I have looked at my vulnerability a few times, straight on. I have wondered-- Is my sense of my future-- is it all real? And there has been some pain in all of this. But now I realize that the pain is not the final answer, and I feel like I have emerged the stronger and more tender for all the questions, the worries, and tears. I have emerged with even more hope and hopefully as well with a clearer sense of myself and where I am going. Thomas Merton said we just have to desire to please God, right? Well, there is no "just" in this; I'm not sure it is the easiest thing to do-- but I do know that this desire is brimming over in me.

A part of me is craving order. I am laughing at myself just writing this-- as I have been dreading "plans" since I have returned home. I have simply wanted everything to flow "by ear." And, no worries, I think or I hope that I will be able to continue to keep this trademarked spontaneousness. Yet, I see myself craving the concrete in a new way and even honing the skills of being practical. Wow. I am stopping for a moment to consider this.

I have been doing a lot of traveling. I arrived in Chicago on May 27, and it was beautiful. I enjoyed sharing time with my sister, Lorna- meeting some of her med school friends, seeing my wonderful first roommate ever, Mary Square, and finishing Bonhoeffer's "Life Together." The days felt wonderful-- the kind of tempo that perhaps only travel can provide... You look at everything with an open-eyed perspective. All is new. All is exciting. I really saw the Chicago River. I noticed the expression on the face of the homeless man, and I had the giddyness of a 14 year-old when I watched the Hubble IMAX at Navy Pier. Although something in the chaotic commercialism of tourism always turns me off, I love the adventure of the solo traveler-- the observer who steps out of her usual rhythm to see something new. It gives me a kind of passion and grace that I struggle to muster as enthusiastically on usual days. And then too-- the question emerges: What is missing? How can I allow this passion to meet my quotidian? This is my hope.

After Chicago, I traveled to Vermont (Weston Priory to be exact) with my mom. Vermont is one of the most beautiful states in the US. I am convinced of this. My time somehow did not feel as quiet as contemplative as my typical visits, but then I realized early on that one of my biggest objectives was sleep. And this I did. Somedays I took a nap at 10am, 3pm, and then went to sleep at 8pm. Thinking about my usual rhythm I realize-- I need more time for sleep!

Experiencing the faith of the monastery was renewing and beautiful. My spirit was deeply touched by the genuine love of the brothers and how they experienced it between each other. Probably one of the most touching moments was when the brothers danced together to a Macedonian folk song, upon the 32 year anniversary of one of the brothers. This is the kind of stuff that gently etches its gentle grandeur into the heart...

Throughout my time these weeks, I have been bringing my "Reading Group" books with me. Shane Clainborne has been a constant companion, and I am almost finished with the book. I don't think I am able to give an overall impression of the book, but I do want to share that it definitely motivated me. A few passages particularly spoke to me, giving words to some things I have been trying to express about North American Christianity for some time now. One quotation in particular reads:

"Just as 'believers' are a dime a dozen in the church, so are 'activists' in social justice circles nowadays. But lovers are hard to come by. And I think that's what our world is desperately in need of- lovers, people who are building deep, genuine relationships with fellow strugglers along the way, and who actually know the faces of the people behind the issues they are concerned about. We are trying to raise up an army not simply of street activists but of lovers- a community of people who have fallen desperately in love with God and with suffering people, and who allow those relationships to disturb and transform them." pg. 295-296

I think I have this call to love...

So, where I am now... post week of travel and thoughts? I pray for the strength to follow God more closely, to listen and obey, and to do what I am called, which is to love.

San Anselmo Sisters

This picture makes me smile!

On Busyness

I have been so busy the last few times (I don't know what amount of time to put here) that I feel like something has to give. It's becoming too mechanical, too robotic-- too much about completing A-Z that by the time I finish my daily schedule, I don't have anything else to give. The good thing about this busyness is that. no disclaimer included, I don't feel like it is any form of trying to escape from things or showcase my abilities. It is mostly that a) I'm trying to raise money and 2) I care. I care, and I care, and I care. And it is so good, and yet-- I want to escape.. To find every good and honest (Yes!) reason to visit the beach for the day... to bask in the sand and sun ... and to merely fall in love with the moment. That will be my next assignment A-S-A-P.

Thank You

The past week was a gentle, joyful surprise of what life in ministry can mean and the deep joy it may evoke. Thank you.

A Modern Symposium

On Injustice

When one's eyes are open to injustice,
it seems that every glimpse holds the possibility of implication--
And then, too, sometimes we fall into the labyrinthe temptation of theories:
And then, it's all about pointing out whose wrong
rather than correcting the injustice ...

Somedays I imagine the direction my life is heading
and I wonder if my heart is open enough--
even when I strip away all my theories
and best of intentions---
to do something I'm called to do... rather than merely talk about it.

God, in your grace, help us
to walk and not just talk.

You cannot cognize the Gospel alone--
Evangelism is also relationship.

For the Native Americans & Presbyterian Church (USA).

Where our Feet have Trod...

"So Moses swore on that day, saying 'Surely the land where your foot has trodden shall be your inheritance and your children's forever, because you have wholly followed the Lord my God.'

These are the words recorded in Josuah 14:9, the words of Moses to Caleb. When I first read these words, I was taken back to a reflection I read by Frederick Buechner when I was in college... The thrust of the reflection was about our feet and how, if we want to know about our lives, we ought to consider where our feet have been. Obviously, this scripture above can lead us into a debate about land and whose land is whose as well as the question of inheritance. This night, as I read this Scripture however, I think about the real inheritance that is the gift of life we share with others. How will our path and the places where our feet trod be gifted with a kind longevity, a living HOPE, when we embody the Gospel in community?

This night I had a lovely dinner with Talitha, Alexis, and her friend. Tomorrow I will go with a few youth group members to Boreal Ski Resort.


Psalm 126
When the Lord brought back the captivity of Zion, We were like those who dream.
Then our mouth was filled with laughter,
And our tongue with singing.
Then they said among the nations,
"The Lord has done great things for them."

The Lord has done great things for us, And we are glad.
Bring back our captivity, O Lord, as the streams in the South.

Those who sow in tears
shall reap in joy.

He who continually goes forth weeping,
Bearing seed for sowing,
Shall doubtless come again with rejoicing,
bringing his sheaves with him.

Reflection at the End of the Day

It's funny how things that never hit you just suddenly hit you... and you're there feeling it. Today I had this experience. First of all, I have been stopping ** and realizing just how much I am doing in a day. The last three days it has felt almost like continuous motion. Strangely, I am not tired, almost amazed at how much I have managed to accomplish, and yet there is a large part of me that is aching to break out of the rhythm and just do something incredibly spontaneous and joyful-- like give out free hugs, go swimming in the lake, set down the "list."

Then, I felt again the sometimes ever-present emotion that says: Speak what you need. Tell what you need. Say what you feel...

Then, this: I was driving into San Anselmo and passed the Bon Air shopping plaza. I do this so often. This time, I noticed amidst the 10:30pm sky how the plaza was still lit with lights. Then I imagined many other places I have been where there would never be enough resources or reason to spend such money in such a way. And I felt a huge emotion rise: When we will be able to live more simply so that, as the famous line goes, others may simply love?!?!?

Today at youth group was amazing. I was deeply proud of the theological conversation our group had.

Pilate

As part of my Ignatian Prayer group, we are going through the experience of a deathwatch, praying as we watch Christ approach Good Friday. Last night I was reading John 18, and the famous line from Pilate: "What is truth?" emerged!

Then this morning, my exegesis assignment is to read John 19:2, 5, Mark 15:17, and Matthew 27:29, where the soldiers create the crown of thorns and place it on Jesus' head. Watching him die and all the misunderstanding that hovers around the experience breaks my heart. It penetrates my heart, and I am reminded of my own week of observing death here.... And with all these emotional penetrations, I am struck by the personal consciousness of great meaning in all of this for me.... This is a Lenten reflection, I suppose, if I have yet written one. But it is also the simple words of one longing to see with open eyes the wonder, the sorrow, and the festivity behind Lent. ...

Trust in God Alone

General Musing

One question I sometimes find myself faced with hovers around boundaries and when to help: When do I know that I am enabling behavior and when I am helping? Have I gotten myself into a pattern where I am doing so much helping that I view it in a new way than I did before? What is the healthy response? What is the Christian response? Well, given it is late into the night as well as my general inclination, I am revealing my human nature with these words, but I find the revelation powerful and important. As I continue along the journey of recognizing myself within all my communities and contributions of care, these questions will grow more palpable and I'll have both my experience and intuitive wisdom to go by. Right now my prayer is for clarity as well as the courage to trust my instincts, recognizing that as I honor myself I also honor others... and visa-versa. Yes, visa versa. It is notable how some of us more readily jump into self-awareness while others are more apt at other-awareness.

to my dear Trinity, i love you

Life is fast paced. Our minds, souls, and hearts are too. Amidst this, we want to know that we have opened ourselves to the gift of community: Being not just folks who share space together but souls who have dared and delighted in actually knowing each other.

Ma this be a place that will continue us communally along our individual paths of growth-- where we will not feel guilty for not giving enough but rather feel empowered to give out of the deepest spaces of who we are....

The Parable of the Pocketbook

Ledger Book Legalism

So often we think... I will secure it! I will secure all things.. If only I am "good" enough or do enough "good deeds," I will somehow make my way clean or good with God. Lucky for us, we have grace. We can experience the party of the Prodigal and join in the party of God's grace. We don't need to bank our "security" on what we do. We don't need to enter the agonizing discourse of: "Is my relationship with God okay!?!?!" Wait: Now, "Is my relationship with God, okay?"

There is the constant tension as a Reformed Christian between giving, as we believe that we respond out of God's grace to serve and that we are called to serve, and the recognition that everything relates back to God's sovereignty and to grace.

This has been an incredibly palpable lesson in my life. With my personality, I have often struggled more from over-consciousness than from the lack of it... from having to establish good boundaries on my service than to somehow trying to muster up the motivation to do it.

When I came across Reformed Christianity and was told (Timothy Beach Verhey! ;) ) that as a Presbyterian, it is all about grace, suddenly I felt like the road under my feet made sense. I have often held within myself a huge motivation. It has been a precious and important thing. But, at the end of the day, I can be grateful to God for where I am and don't need to put a kind of unhelpful pressure on myself to ensure that everything turns out okay. I don't act mindlessly and I am fully in touch with "reality," and yet I recognize that life does not revolve around me; and it is incredibly freeing... and takes a day by day process to live into.

Notes from Jack's Sermon 3/14/10

"Be kind because everybody is fighting a battle." Philo

The Prodigal Son: In asking to take the father's inheritance, can we imagine the insult this must have been to his father?!?!? Also, when he got stuck working with the pigs, he was in the midst of a job where he necessarily violated kosher laws!

One imagines that the father was constantly looking towards the horizon....

The son "comes to himself"-- consciousness, awareness...

Insanity is when one continues a negative habit but thinks... this time this habit will produce the result I want!

The movement from the sheep, the woman with the coin, to 2 sons....

The Prodigal prays over Psalm 32 that night!!!

Subversive Grace!

Ledger Book Legalism

Recovery

The Kindness in it All

Remembering Brother Roger

Word

The Word ushers forth, calling us to belief. Implicates, Re-imagines, Re-defines, Illumines.

The Word strengthens, it inspires, and it remembers. It draws together the broken and uncollected pieces of me into a wholeness that makes sense, that spurs me to bank on home.

The real home that is.... and to honor the hems of homes here too.

The Word is a friend and gift of LIFE.

How can we daily treasure its work in us?

Lucky

I think I was lucky. Lucky to be part of the family as they mourned the death of a woman who deeply touched their lives and the life of the surrounding community. I was lucky to be able to share the space of our chapel with them... the same chapel that she had so generously worked to refurbish. I was lucky to share lunch with my two friends; it was a lunch of true American favorites, comfort and good food: hamburgers, mac & cheese, and salad. And I was so tremendously lucky to be invited into their room, and to see the body of one who had just been but who was no longer. Strangely, responding to my fourteen year-old self, I was not afraid... I was simply touched by a profound beauty and lyrical mystery that if I could put the experience into words, my voice would fade out into a hymn, saying: "Holy, Holy, Holy.... Lord, God Almighty..." May your dear one rest and peace and her family find rest too. The one thing I cannot deny is my luckiness. I experienced my own JOY-LUCK.

Room for Doubt

As I was listening to my housemate practice her sermon for Sunday, she spoke these words which took me back to my Weekly College Worship days and those many moments of reading Frederick Buechner, when I had so many questions and needed more than mental resilience to keep moving forward in my faith. My friend described how, on a college campus where she was awash in many new kinds of Christian groups, she found a home in a small, ecumenical group of students, in a faith space that allowed room for doubt. These words hit me and reminded me too of my Davidson days. I remembered the immediate sense of peace and belonging that I felt when I first began participating in Weekly College Worship. I was something of a religion-ophile: I often attended many different kinds of services; I was the only "white girl" in the Gospel Choir, for instance, and I was comfortable being part of Intervarsity as well as the more progressive Methodist Fellowship. There, in the space of Weekly College Worship however (WCW), we were allowed to be human. Not to give up on our faith or the power of God's presence in the world, but to admit to ourselves as well as to each other that somedays we don't have it all together and that we can be thankful to our God, who also understands what it means to be human. So... room to doubt. In a world of rhetoric that sometimes undulates, making stark contrasts between belief and unbelief, it was in this little space where I was free to be my whole self and proclaim my passion as well as my worries... that I found soul-siblings whom I deeply love. Gratitude.

More about the Author

Genesis

In the beginning, God created, and it was called Genesis. I have often enjoyed the uniqueness of this term: Genesis. What does it mean? Is there any reason why, for instance, the term shares so much in common with other similarly unique and even captivating words, words like genetics, genome, generate, gentle..... Perhaps the last word was a stretch, but my question is: What new beginning have you been entertaining recently? What new beginning have you already experienced and dip into and live out of today? What is... in actuality.... the meaning of the genesis of this blog.

This is a place I have created for myself and by extension you (my community) to peruse, examine, and delight in my writings. I will share sermons, spontaneous wonderings, poetry, and biographic accounts here. Perhaps there will be a greater meaning? Perhaps I will use the space as a kartharic realm in which to divulge my hopes, my fears, and my important epiphanies. Whatever this becomes, I am grateful that you have come. Without you, seriously, there would have been no reason for genesis.