Blogs. They are interesting. I haven't decided if they are the best form of processing... However, as I find myself enjoying the reality that I am a "processor," I suppose that this may be just a way to explore my thoughts.
Friends, this is the first thought. Somehow, I want life to slow down. It is going too fast, and I have been along aside it all the time, rushing it along by completing the lists of to-do's that follow my footsteps. This is good. This has been great. But as I just experienced the whirlwind of much travel-- setting foot in Chicago, good ole Weston Priory in Vermont, Upstate New York, North Carolina, and South Carolina-- I revisited so many important parts of myself... and now I feel like I am buzzing (mentally that is) trying to integrate all the pieces.
One of the most difficult challenges I am feeling is my sense that I somehow do not belong in my own culture, and yet I want to-- and I don't know what I would do if I were not in it. Strange. This is a strange feeling. But, perhaps this is just the reflection of a 27 year-old turned 87 year-old, but I am nostalgic-- Am I nostalgic for something that never existed? But today... somehow... so much of my culture seems to revolve around $$$$$ and busyness and convenience... and although I am afraid to give it up, I don't understand where the days of playing on playgrounds, dinner with the family, and all of this has gone. Is this adulthood? I hope not.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Monday, June 7, 2010
A brief review on "New Friars: The Emerging Movement Serving the World's Poor" by Scott Bessenecker
I've been fascinated by this book so far.
First, the ID with the previous groups, like the Benedictines & Franciscans, who similarly took vows and focused their ministries on being with and working for the poor.
As I am reading about individuals who go to slum sites and do ministry there, I am often thinking of a young guy from my college named Nick. He was a senior when I was a freshman, so I didn't know him that well. But I remember that he had a passion for this kind of thing. He had lived in a slum community in Nicaragua and, from his vision, a college group formed that raised money for the people there. I remember how he wanted to go to other slum communities and live with the people there.... I had no clue that others were doing this kind of thing...
Reading about the connection between alcohol, despair, and economic injustice also resonated with me. I recall the dilemma of many in Native American reservations today as well as in other countries and cultures where there are no limits on who consumes alcohol and, with the hardships of life, its abuse is rampant. It makes me constantly have to reconsider my own connection with alcohol.
And this statistic is STAGGERING: "The latest global unemployment trends indicate that 'of the 2.8 billion workers in the world, nearly half still do not earn enough to lift themselves and their families above the US $2 a day poverty line." -------------
Friday, June 4, 2010
"We need more fools, holy fools who insist that the folly of the cross is wiser than any human power." Shane Claiborne, The Irresistible Revolution, pg. 343
1 Corinthians 3:18-19a: "Do not deceive yourselves. If any one of you thinks they are wise by the standards of this age, they should become a "fool" so that they may become wise. For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God's sight."
Little Rule of Life
1) Read Scripture each day
2) Give generously
3) Pray continually
4) Read widely
5) Run at least a mile a day
6) Eat apples, salads, & oatmeal
7) Love.
8) Practice Truth-telling
9) Practice Art.
10) Laugh & Rest
An Update
Well, first off, I apologize that I am just writing. I know that this update has been too long in the making. But I am back in the process of twisting words into meaning. What has the last month been like? I have looked at my vulnerability a few times, straight on. I have wondered-- Is my sense of my future-- is it all real? And there has been some pain in all of this. But now I realize that the pain is not the final answer, and I feel like I have emerged the stronger and more tender for all the questions, the worries, and tears. I have emerged with even more hope and hopefully as well with a clearer sense of myself and where I am going. Thomas Merton said we just have to desire to please God, right? Well, there is no "just" in this; I'm not sure it is the easiest thing to do-- but I do know that this desire is brimming over in me.
A part of me is craving order. I am laughing at myself just writing this-- as I have been dreading "plans" since I have returned home. I have simply wanted everything to flow "by ear." And, no worries, I think or I hope that I will be able to continue to keep this trademarked spontaneousness. Yet, I see myself craving the concrete in a new way and even honing the skills of being practical. Wow. I am stopping for a moment to consider this.
I have been doing a lot of traveling. I arrived in Chicago on May 27, and it was beautiful. I enjoyed sharing time with my sister, Lorna- meeting some of her med school friends, seeing my wonderful first roommate ever, Mary Square, and finishing Bonhoeffer's "Life Together." The days felt wonderful-- the kind of tempo that perhaps only travel can provide... You look at everything with an open-eyed perspective. All is new. All is exciting. I really saw the Chicago River. I noticed the expression on the face of the homeless man, and I had the giddyness of a 14 year-old when I watched the Hubble IMAX at Navy Pier. Although something in the chaotic commercialism of tourism always turns me off, I love the adventure of the solo traveler-- the observer who steps out of her usual rhythm to see something new. It gives me a kind of passion and grace that I struggle to muster as enthusiastically on usual days. And then too-- the question emerges: What is missing? How can I allow this passion to meet my quotidian? This is my hope.
After Chicago, I traveled to Vermont (Weston Priory to be exact) with my mom. Vermont is one of the most beautiful states in the US. I am convinced of this. My time somehow did not feel as quiet as contemplative as my typical visits, but then I realized early on that one of my biggest objectives was sleep. And this I did. Somedays I took a nap at 10am, 3pm, and then went to sleep at 8pm. Thinking about my usual rhythm I realize-- I need more time for sleep!
Experiencing the faith of the monastery was renewing and beautiful. My spirit was deeply touched by the genuine love of the brothers and how they experienced it between each other. Probably one of the most touching moments was when the brothers danced together to a Macedonian folk song, upon the 32 year anniversary of one of the brothers. This is the kind of stuff that gently etches its gentle grandeur into the heart...
Throughout my time these weeks, I have been bringing my "Reading Group" books with me. Shane Clainborne has been a constant companion, and I am almost finished with the book. I don't think I am able to give an overall impression of the book, but I do want to share that it definitely motivated me. A few passages particularly spoke to me, giving words to some things I have been trying to express about North American Christianity for some time now. One quotation in particular reads:
"Just as 'believers' are a dime a dozen in the church, so are 'activists' in social justice circles nowadays. But lovers are hard to come by. And I think that's what our world is desperately in need of- lovers, people who are building deep, genuine relationships with fellow strugglers along the way, and who actually know the faces of the people behind the issues they are concerned about. We are trying to raise up an army not simply of street activists but of lovers- a community of people who have fallen desperately in love with God and with suffering people, and who allow those relationships to disturb and transform them." pg. 295-296
I think I have this call to love...
So, where I am now... post week of travel and thoughts? I pray for the strength to follow God more closely, to listen and obey, and to do what I am called, which is to love.
A part of me is craving order. I am laughing at myself just writing this-- as I have been dreading "plans" since I have returned home. I have simply wanted everything to flow "by ear." And, no worries, I think or I hope that I will be able to continue to keep this trademarked spontaneousness. Yet, I see myself craving the concrete in a new way and even honing the skills of being practical. Wow. I am stopping for a moment to consider this.
I have been doing a lot of traveling. I arrived in Chicago on May 27, and it was beautiful. I enjoyed sharing time with my sister, Lorna- meeting some of her med school friends, seeing my wonderful first roommate ever, Mary Square, and finishing Bonhoeffer's "Life Together." The days felt wonderful-- the kind of tempo that perhaps only travel can provide... You look at everything with an open-eyed perspective. All is new. All is exciting. I really saw the Chicago River. I noticed the expression on the face of the homeless man, and I had the giddyness of a 14 year-old when I watched the Hubble IMAX at Navy Pier. Although something in the chaotic commercialism of tourism always turns me off, I love the adventure of the solo traveler-- the observer who steps out of her usual rhythm to see something new. It gives me a kind of passion and grace that I struggle to muster as enthusiastically on usual days. And then too-- the question emerges: What is missing? How can I allow this passion to meet my quotidian? This is my hope.
After Chicago, I traveled to Vermont (Weston Priory to be exact) with my mom. Vermont is one of the most beautiful states in the US. I am convinced of this. My time somehow did not feel as quiet as contemplative as my typical visits, but then I realized early on that one of my biggest objectives was sleep. And this I did. Somedays I took a nap at 10am, 3pm, and then went to sleep at 8pm. Thinking about my usual rhythm I realize-- I need more time for sleep!
Experiencing the faith of the monastery was renewing and beautiful. My spirit was deeply touched by the genuine love of the brothers and how they experienced it between each other. Probably one of the most touching moments was when the brothers danced together to a Macedonian folk song, upon the 32 year anniversary of one of the brothers. This is the kind of stuff that gently etches its gentle grandeur into the heart...
Throughout my time these weeks, I have been bringing my "Reading Group" books with me. Shane Clainborne has been a constant companion, and I am almost finished with the book. I don't think I am able to give an overall impression of the book, but I do want to share that it definitely motivated me. A few passages particularly spoke to me, giving words to some things I have been trying to express about North American Christianity for some time now. One quotation in particular reads:
"Just as 'believers' are a dime a dozen in the church, so are 'activists' in social justice circles nowadays. But lovers are hard to come by. And I think that's what our world is desperately in need of- lovers, people who are building deep, genuine relationships with fellow strugglers along the way, and who actually know the faces of the people behind the issues they are concerned about. We are trying to raise up an army not simply of street activists but of lovers- a community of people who have fallen desperately in love with God and with suffering people, and who allow those relationships to disturb and transform them." pg. 295-296
I think I have this call to love...
So, where I am now... post week of travel and thoughts? I pray for the strength to follow God more closely, to listen and obey, and to do what I am called, which is to love.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
On Busyness
I have been so busy the last few times (I don't know what amount of time to put here) that I feel like something has to give. It's becoming too mechanical, too robotic-- too much about completing A-Z that by the time I finish my daily schedule, I don't have anything else to give. The good thing about this busyness is that. no disclaimer included, I don't feel like it is any form of trying to escape from things or showcase my abilities. It is mostly that a) I'm trying to raise money and 2) I care. I care, and I care, and I care. And it is so good, and yet-- I want to escape.. To find every good and honest (Yes!) reason to visit the beach for the day... to bask in the sand and sun ... and to merely fall in love with the moment. That will be my next assignment A-S-A-P.
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