Today, as I was kayaking, I was more tired and even felt a little sick. This was not expected. I apologized to Alison for being a wimp and told her that I would paddle over to the nearby beach. Alison said: "You are not wimpy; you're just doing what God is telling you to do... Going to take some time to listen to God's desire." This reminded me of our Ignatian days, and I was very happy.
As I lay on the beach, my mind was so full... I remembered how Henri Nouwen wrote about taking time to listen to God's voice of love in our lives. This set me thinking on another topic: unconditional love.
As I lay on the beach with all my seasickness and vulnerability, I was listening to all the voices and people in my life that seem to be saying: "You are not good enough. Not good enough for me. You are not making the right decisions. You are not doing enough." As I stopped to observe the voices, something deep inside of me cried. I was sad. I recognized so fully why I was so tired. I recognized why we are encouraged to listen to God's voice of love in our lives. God's love is unconditional. We are told to get up and challenged to listen and be better, and yet there is also and always grace.
Grace has transformed my life, and as my relationships embody grace, I will continue to grow. None of us are perfect, and we struggle in our conditions and self-philosophies. But today on the beach, listening to the voice of God's love, I had the epiphany that I am meant to bolster this voice of grace on the earth. I believe that God has gifted us with different callings. I am, with all my weakness, intelligence, vulnerability, loveliness and myopia, meant to be a minister of grace in this world.
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