Are Things What They Seem?

Perception.
Perceptive.

I have seen that some things seem true up close and others not so.... I have seen riddles solved at a distance or debacle at heights. The navigation requires time, the willingness to see, and the courage to make mistakes.

Perception.
Perspective.

Pokerface No!!!!!!

A Father's Day Poem

How Do We Forgive Our Fathers?

Dick Lourie*

How do we forgive our Fathers?
Maybe in a dream
Do we forgive our Fathers for leaving us too often or forever
when we were little?

Maybe for scaring us with unexpected rage
or making us nervous
because there never seemed to be any rage there at all.

Do we forgive our Fathers for marrying or not marrying our Mothers?
For Divorcing or not divorcing our Mothers?

And shall we forgive them for their excesses of warmth or coldness?
Shall we forgive them for pushing or leaning
for shutting doors
for speaking through walls
or never speaking
or never being silent?

Do we forgive our Fathers in our age or in theirs
or their deaths
saying it to them or not saying it?

If we forgive our Fathers what is left?

Forgiveness

FORGIVENESS

To forgive somebody is to say one way or another, "You have done something unspeakable, and by all rights I should call it quits between us. Both my pride and my principles demand no less. However, although I make no guarantees that I will be able to forget what you've done, and though we may both carry the scars for life, I refuse to let it stand between us. I still want you for my friend."
To accept forgiveness means to admit that you've done something unspeakable that needs to be forgiven, and thus both parties must swallow the same thing: their pride.
This seems to explain what Jesus means when he says to God, "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us." Jesus is not saying that God's forgiveness is conditional upon our forgiving others. In the first place, forgiveness that's conditional isn't really forgiveness at all, just fair warning; and in the second place, our forgiveness is among those things about us that we need to have God forgive us most. What Jesus apparently is saying is that the pride that keeps us from forgiving is the same pride that keeps us from accepting forgiveness, and will God please help us do something about it.
When somebody you've wronged forgives you, you're spared the dull and self-diminishing throb of a guilty conscience.
When you forgive somebody who has wronged you, you're spared the dismal corrosion of bitterness and wounded pride.
For both parties, forgiveness means the freedom again to be at peace inside their own skins and to be glad in each other's presence."

Frederick Buechner

Kindness Poem

Kindness

Before you know what kindness really is
you must lose things,
feel the future dissolve in a moment
like salt in a weakened broth.
What you held in your hand,
what you counted and carefully saved,
all this must go so you know
how desolate the landscape can be
between the regions of kindness.
How you ride and ride
thinking the bus will never stop,
the passengers eating maize and chicken
will stare out the window forever.

Before you learn the tender gravity of kindness,
you must travel where the Indian in a white poncho
lies dead by the side of the road.
You must see how this could be you,
how he too was someone
who journeyed through the night with plans
and the simple breath that kept him alive.

Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside,
you must know sorrow as the other deepest thing.
You must wake up with sorrow.
You must speak to it till your voice
catches the thread of all sorrows
and you see the size of the cloth.

Then it is only kindness that makes sense anymore,
only kindness that ties your shoes
and sends you out into the day to mail letters and purchase bread,
only kindness that raises its head
from the crowd of the world to say
it is I you have been looking for,
and then goes with you every where
like a shadow or a friend.

~ Naomi Shihab Nye ~

(Words From Under the Words: Selected Poems)

Something to Think About

"Jesus said that he is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. Yet many in the Presbyterian Church persist on beginning with abstract notions of 'truth,' an approach long favored by Western Christendom. The Right insists on "Old Truth," linking a desire for certitude with tradition. The Left favors 'New Truth,' advocating for progress and freedom from constraints. But the Way mattered to Jesus. He would not take any shortcuts to the cross, or use any violence along the way, physical or emotional. For Jesus, the way of suffering, humility, passion, joy, and self-emptying were the ways that led to deeper truth, neither indulging the fetish of traditionalism nor the fetish of novelty, as was the case for the religious authorities of his day. Only equal faithfulness to the Way and the Truth leads to the fullness of Life [in Christ]. We cannot have two masters: Jesus and Machiavelli." Jin S Kim

Processing

Blogs. They are interesting. I haven't decided if they are the best form of processing... However, as I find myself enjoying the reality that I am a "processor," I suppose that this may be just a way to explore my thoughts.

Friends, this is the first thought. Somehow, I want life to slow down. It is going too fast, and I have been along aside it all the time, rushing it along by completing the lists of to-do's that follow my footsteps. This is good. This has been great. But as I just experienced the whirlwind of much travel-- setting foot in Chicago, good ole Weston Priory in Vermont, Upstate New York, North Carolina, and South Carolina-- I revisited so many important parts of myself... and now I feel like I am buzzing (mentally that is) trying to integrate all the pieces.

One of the most difficult challenges I am feeling is my sense that I somehow do not belong in my own culture, and yet I want to-- and I don't know what I would do if I were not in it. Strange. This is a strange feeling. But, perhaps this is just the reflection of a 27 year-old turned 87 year-old, but I am nostalgic-- Am I nostalgic for something that never existed? But today... somehow... so much of my culture seems to revolve around $$$$$ and busyness and convenience... and although I am afraid to give it up, I don't understand where the days of playing on playgrounds, dinner with the family, and all of this has gone. Is this adulthood? I hope not.

A brief review on "New Friars: The Emerging Movement Serving the World's Poor" by Scott Bessenecker

I've been fascinated by this book so far.

First, the ID with the previous groups, like the Benedictines & Franciscans, who similarly took vows and focused their ministries on being with and working for the poor.

As I am reading about individuals who go to slum sites and do ministry there, I am often thinking of a young guy from my college named Nick. He was a senior when I was a freshman, so I didn't know him that well. But I remember that he had a passion for this kind of thing. He had lived in a slum community in Nicaragua and, from his vision, a college group formed that raised money for the people there. I remember how he wanted to go to other slum communities and live with the people there.... I had no clue that others were doing this kind of thing...

Reading about the connection between alcohol, despair, and economic injustice also resonated with me. I recall the dilemma of many in Native American reservations today as well as in other countries and cultures where there are no limits on who consumes alcohol and, with the hardships of life, its abuse is rampant. It makes me constantly have to reconsider my own connection with alcohol.

And this statistic is STAGGERING: "The latest global unemployment trends indicate that 'of the 2.8 billion workers in the world, nearly half still do not earn enough to lift themselves and their families above the US $2 a day poverty line." -------------

"We need more fools, holy fools who insist that the folly of the cross is wiser than any human power." Shane Claiborne, The Irresistible Revolution, pg. 343

1 Corinthians 3:18-19a: "Do not deceive yourselves. If any one of you thinks they are wise by the standards of this age, they should become a "fool" so that they may become wise. For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God's sight."

Little Rule of Life

1) Read Scripture each day
2) Give generously
3) Pray continually
4) Read widely
5) Run at least a mile a day
6) Eat apples, salads, & oatmeal
7) Love.
8) Practice Truth-telling
9) Practice Art.
10) Laugh & Rest

An Update

Well, first off, I apologize that I am just writing. I know that this update has been too long in the making. But I am back in the process of twisting words into meaning. What has the last month been like? I have looked at my vulnerability a few times, straight on. I have wondered-- Is my sense of my future-- is it all real? And there has been some pain in all of this. But now I realize that the pain is not the final answer, and I feel like I have emerged the stronger and more tender for all the questions, the worries, and tears. I have emerged with even more hope and hopefully as well with a clearer sense of myself and where I am going. Thomas Merton said we just have to desire to please God, right? Well, there is no "just" in this; I'm not sure it is the easiest thing to do-- but I do know that this desire is brimming over in me.

A part of me is craving order. I am laughing at myself just writing this-- as I have been dreading "plans" since I have returned home. I have simply wanted everything to flow "by ear." And, no worries, I think or I hope that I will be able to continue to keep this trademarked spontaneousness. Yet, I see myself craving the concrete in a new way and even honing the skills of being practical. Wow. I am stopping for a moment to consider this.

I have been doing a lot of traveling. I arrived in Chicago on May 27, and it was beautiful. I enjoyed sharing time with my sister, Lorna- meeting some of her med school friends, seeing my wonderful first roommate ever, Mary Square, and finishing Bonhoeffer's "Life Together." The days felt wonderful-- the kind of tempo that perhaps only travel can provide... You look at everything with an open-eyed perspective. All is new. All is exciting. I really saw the Chicago River. I noticed the expression on the face of the homeless man, and I had the giddyness of a 14 year-old when I watched the Hubble IMAX at Navy Pier. Although something in the chaotic commercialism of tourism always turns me off, I love the adventure of the solo traveler-- the observer who steps out of her usual rhythm to see something new. It gives me a kind of passion and grace that I struggle to muster as enthusiastically on usual days. And then too-- the question emerges: What is missing? How can I allow this passion to meet my quotidian? This is my hope.

After Chicago, I traveled to Vermont (Weston Priory to be exact) with my mom. Vermont is one of the most beautiful states in the US. I am convinced of this. My time somehow did not feel as quiet as contemplative as my typical visits, but then I realized early on that one of my biggest objectives was sleep. And this I did. Somedays I took a nap at 10am, 3pm, and then went to sleep at 8pm. Thinking about my usual rhythm I realize-- I need more time for sleep!

Experiencing the faith of the monastery was renewing and beautiful. My spirit was deeply touched by the genuine love of the brothers and how they experienced it between each other. Probably one of the most touching moments was when the brothers danced together to a Macedonian folk song, upon the 32 year anniversary of one of the brothers. This is the kind of stuff that gently etches its gentle grandeur into the heart...

Throughout my time these weeks, I have been bringing my "Reading Group" books with me. Shane Clainborne has been a constant companion, and I am almost finished with the book. I don't think I am able to give an overall impression of the book, but I do want to share that it definitely motivated me. A few passages particularly spoke to me, giving words to some things I have been trying to express about North American Christianity for some time now. One quotation in particular reads:

"Just as 'believers' are a dime a dozen in the church, so are 'activists' in social justice circles nowadays. But lovers are hard to come by. And I think that's what our world is desperately in need of- lovers, people who are building deep, genuine relationships with fellow strugglers along the way, and who actually know the faces of the people behind the issues they are concerned about. We are trying to raise up an army not simply of street activists but of lovers- a community of people who have fallen desperately in love with God and with suffering people, and who allow those relationships to disturb and transform them." pg. 295-296

I think I have this call to love...

So, where I am now... post week of travel and thoughts? I pray for the strength to follow God more closely, to listen and obey, and to do what I am called, which is to love.